Hellsing Muses
by melzdog123
Summary: A series of pre-written ficlets depicting the lives of our favorite Hellsing characters. Beware, Muse 5 is rather dark; YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
1. Pissing off the Butler

**Hello, and welcome to Hellsing Muses. I realize I haven't published anything in a while, but I decided that a series of drabbles on different situations would be appropriate. The musings will be from the OVA's, but there will also be some original short writings of my own. This first drabble in based off the part when Walter and Alucard are reminiscing before he, Seras and Pip go to Rio. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Hellsing manga, anime, or OVA. Hellsing belongs to Kouta Hirano.**

_1__st__ Muse : Pissing Off the Butler_

"I assume you've heard the news?" Walter.

"Yes," said the deep and dangerous voice of Alucard.

"The Nazis again. It's _unbelievable_. But here we are, 50 years later. Hmm."

"Is it really that surprising? I had a feeling they might be involved. This whole mess feels very familiar."

"Oh?" questioned the butler. "And why is that?"

"Why's that?" repeated Alucard with an insane smile on his face. "You're asking why after all we've been through? There are not a lot of people who are willing to enlist the undead to do their fighting. There's Hellsing, there's Millennium, and then there's me. We assume their undead research institute was completely destroyed over 50 years ago during the war. We killed every last Nazi we found, don't you remember?" The vampire finished with his trademark grin and his floppy hat over one eye.

Walter was silent for a second, humoring the vampire with his 'old age' and 'memory loss.' Then, "Oh yes," he said with a snap of his fingers. "We did, didn't we? God, it's been ages."

Alucard rolled his eyes, taking the bait. "Growing old seems so awful."

The Hellsing butler continued to goad the vampire. "As I recall, you looked like a little girl. And you haven't changed much. Your hair is still long, red is still your preferred color and you still get that same, freakish look of bloodlust on your face."

"Excuse me, but there are many men with long hair, including you. And as _I _recall…" said Alucard as he began to stalk up to Walter, his eyes in a faraway memory, "…you were a bratty little shit who used to like that little girl, didn't you, _Angel of Death_? Yes, I remember you used to blush quite a lot. In fact, if I hadn't told you who I was, you would have probably-"

Faster than any human eye could follow, Alucard was suddenly sliced into large chunks by expertly controlled wires. The master, of course, was Walter C. Dornez, his face twisted in anger and a pink tinge splattered across his cheeks.

Slowly, the vampire reformed himself, laughing maniacally. "Well, Angel of Death, I haven't gotten a rise out of you like that in quite a while. And those wires, still the same as ever. Although, I must say, you were quite slow on the uptake."

Before Walter could retaliate, however, the director of Hellsing walked through the creaky door with her usual cigar hanging from her lips. Immediately, Walter put away his chosen weapons and bowed. "Sir Hellsing."

"Good evening. Has Walter explained the situation?" asked the iron maiden.

"No, mum, sorry," apologized the butler.

"Alucard, you're going to South America. We are not the kind of people to back down when someone picks a fight. My orders are simple: search and destroy! Now go. And please, don't leave any blood on the carpet. It takes forever to wash out."

In one sweeping motion, the pet vampire removed his fedora, placed it over his dead heart, and bowed his head, the infernal grin never leaving his face. "Whatever you wish, my master."


	2. Baiting the Master

**Hello to all. Due to the overwhelming amount of reviews I got, I decided to post another chapter. **

**That was sarcasm. **

**But come on guys, really, all I want is a word or to saying how I did. That's all, really. ****Anyways, here is the second muse; it takes place right after Integra and Maxwell discussed Millennium at the museum from the 3****rd**** OVA. Enjoy, and please don't forget to review!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Hellsing manga, anime, or OVA. Hellsing belongs to Kouta Hirano.**

_2__nd__ Muse: Baiting the Master_

The director of Hellsing slammed the door to the Rolls-Royce and stormed up the steps to the Hellsing mansion, muttering about pigs and sexist bastards.

Walter and Seras, on the other hand, calmly shut their doors and watched Integra from a afar.

"She really took that seriously," observed Seras, watching her master's master.

The butler sighed. "I'm afraid she did. God, she's in one of her moods again. It's best to stay out of her way. The only one who can calm her down now is Sir Alucard."

The blond vampire looked surprised. "Master?"

Walter nodded. "Well, I'm off to make a cup of tea. Would you care to join me?"

…

Enraged and humiliated, Integra all but ran up to her bathroom. A bath… that's what she needed.

A bath.

Quickly, quickly, the Hellsing turned the tap on the tub, stripped herself of her clothing, then entered the bath and sighed. After five minutes, the soaking was doing no good and Integra decided to get out… until a voice stopped her.

"My, my, a bath in the middle of the afternoon? Are you alright, my master?"

Integra disguised a surprised gasp and lowered herself up to her neck in the water. "What are you doing, you bloody twit? Didn't you say it was exhausting getting up in the middle of the day?"

Alucard said nothing and walked around to the side of the tub. Subconsciously, Integra sunk even more.

"Well, vampire?"

Staring at her, he asked, "You never answered my question."

The Hellsing turned her head away from him and muttered something that sounded suspiciously like "bloody bastard called me a sow…"

Alucard crouched next to the tub and chuckled. "You're upset about that? If you think about it, he could have said worse things."

"Yes, I realize that, thank you very much. However,_ he_ requested _my _audience at the museum! I didn't have to go!" she snapped.

"He gave you information on Millennium," said Alucard bluntly.

Integra shut her eyes and submerged herself beneath the foamy water. Knowing she could still hear him, the vampire told her, "You're pouting. This is very un-Integra like. We are up against a very, very powerful enemy. I suggest you quit acting like a child, and start acting like a Hellsing. Maybe you weren't meant to be leader after all."

Immediately, Integra Hellsing bolted up out of the water and pointed an accusing finger in her pets face. "How dare you, you pompous bastard! Hellsing has flourished under my command, and I have been the only member of the Hellsing family fully capable of controlling you! Nothing anyone says about me will distract me from my mission, not you, Millenium or Enrico Maxwell! I, Integra Hellsing, am your master, and you will never speak to me like that again, or I will have you bound to your cell for the rest of your undead life!"

Alucard roared in laughter. "Finally, Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing comes to her senses!"

Integra, breathing hard and suddenly realizing she was unclothed, slipped in the tub. Alucard quickly caught her so she wouldn't hurt herself and gently lowered her into the water. He placed a gloveless hand on her head and turned it to face him. "Relax, my master. No one is threatening you or your position. I have no doubt you will show Millennium who in boss. Rest, for we have a long and bloody battle ahead of us."

With that, he exited the bathroom through the wall.

Integra sunk back into the water with only her eyes and nose revealed. She took a deep breath and exhaled. Surprisingly, she was much, much more calm. But she was confused.

What the hell had been his purpose?

**Well, I think I did an okay job. I tried to keep it "neutral," as far as parings go. Tell me, was their two much AxI? Meh. I tried. **

**Thanks for reading, and remember: REVIEW! …please?**


	3. Beliefs Obstructing Reality

**Hello again, and welcome to the 3****rd**** Hellsing Muse. I want to take a moment to thank everyone who reviewed. It truly means a lot to me. **

**This ficlet takes place right after Alucard decimates the SWAT team that breaks into the penthouse; in other words, Ova 3. Enjoy and don't forget to review. And please, read the A/N at the end.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Hellsing manga, anime, or OVA. Hellsing belongs to Kouta Hirano.**

_3__rd__ Muse: Foolish Beliefs Obstructing Reality_

After she heard the final gunshot, Seras Victoria jumped out from the TV cabinet in the Penthouse. Looking around in horror, she saw what was left of the decimated SWAT team (courtesy of Alucard) who had forfeited their lives the moment they stepped into the hotel.

"Master…"

"Seras," acknowledged Alucard. "Prepare for battle."

"Umm… but-"

He cut her off. "Is there a problem? Do as you're told," he growled; he was not in the mood to be trifled with.

"But…" she stepped in the blood and approached her maker. "Master… these people… these people-they're _humans_."

"Your point?" Alucard was growing impatient.

Seras summoned her courage. "These people are human beings!"

"I DON'T CARE WHAT THESE THINGS ARE!" snarled Alucard, grabbing his fledgling by her collar. "They came here to try and kill us; it no longer matters what they are! Now they must die! They'll be slaughtered-corpses, left to rot in their grave like filth! This is just the way it is; this is what has to be done, and no one has the power to change that- not God, the devil or YOU!"

Seras quaked in her boots and whimpered. "I-I know… but… they're just…"

Alucard's eyes widened and glowed. Just as the young vampire thought the vampire was going to tear her to pieces and destroy her, he set her down and said in a softer voice, though still harsh, "This is just the way it is." He turned away.

Seras, her fear leaving her as quickly as it had come, bowed her head and said in a quiet voice, "Um, yes master."

Alucard, hearing her tone, turned back to her and placed a hand on her head. "Come, Seras. No time to be a coward."

"Sorry, sir," she said in the same, quiet voice, not lifting her head.

The master vampire put a hand under his Draculina's chin and said, "Look at me."

She responded to his request and looked him in the eyes, noticing the pity. "You asked to live and I brought you back. Now you must face the consequences of your decision." He released his hold on her and stood up straight, a faraway look in his eyes. "If we could see what would become of our decisions, Seras Victoria, the world's population would be cut in half."

What a curious statement. "Why?" asked the Draculina.

"Suicide."

Seras wasn't quite sure if by 'half the world's population' he meant 'myself.'

"Now be quiet Police Girl. I must call our master and ask her what she thought of my… show." His lips curled into a sadistic grin.

"Y-yes sir."

Oh boy.

**Yes, I realize it may have been a tad OOC at the end. Meh.**

**Anyways, here's the real reason I wanted you guys to read this. I'm sure you've all heard of the infamous author on called **alucardalyssa. **If you've read any of her so-called "stories"... then I am so, so sorry. I realized how much agony she has put you in. I'm sure you have already written your suicide notes and have a gun to your head at this very moment.**

**Err...**

**Sorry. Rambling.**

**Anyways, I caved in and wrote her two reviews myself. I want to thank **Coletta **and **FiledeMarius **(I don't know if you guys read this story) for responding and correcting me.**

**At this point, my friends, the best thing we can do about the bitch (other than reporting her) is to quit reviewing. I know it's awfully hard, but we have to. It seems kind of ridiculous that some of her posts are getting more attention than actual stories authors put their hardest work into. Besides, the only reason she keeps posting is because we continue to respond. **

**I'm hoping that if we stop reviewing, she will eventually get bored and go back to whatever hell she came from. Thanks for bearing with this long author note, and don't forget to review!**


	4. Farewell, Good For Nothing Fool

**Hello once again, mortals. Thanks very much to those of you who reviewed. **

**And to those of you who didn't... can you please just send me one word like great or sucky? XD**

**Here is the 4****th**** installment of Hellsing Muses. This one is slightly different, concentrating on Iscariot instead of Hellsing. Enjoy! Oh, and btw, this contains spoilers for OVA 8.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Hellsing manga, anime, or OVA. Hellsing belongs to Kouta Hirano.**

_4__th__ Muse: Farewell, Good-For-Nothing Fool_

"OUR RANKS HAVE BEEN BROKEN! I repeat, OUR RANKS HAVE BEEN BROKEN! Call the retreat, your Excellence!" screamed the voice of the First Lieutenant into Erico Maxwell's ear. "We can't call this a battle anymore! It's a massacre! A slaughter!"

"Don't… don't fuck with me! I am no mere bishop… I am an _archbishop_! _AN ARCHBISHOP!_" Who did these fools think he was? This was the 9th crusade, for Christ's sake! This was the time of the Catholics! Finally, the Vatican would rule and wipe out those bloody protestant bastards! And his soldiers wanted a retreat? Not a chance in hell!

Just then, however, a missile shot the helicopter which was transporting the archbishop and plummeted to the ground. Thankfully, it didn't shatter and he escaped only with a bump on his head.

Maxwell lifted his head, only to see a shitload of Turks… well, Alucard, anyways… with red glowing eyes and a thirst for blood creeping rather quickly towards him.

Enrico yelled and jumped backwards, only to remember he was in a glass box and couldn't escape. When he realized they couldn't get through, mocked them and laughed, "Haha! This glass has been reinforced with tektite composite! You can't hurt me, you filthy corpses!"

Famous last words.

Then, sailing through the air came a bayonet which embedded itself in the glass an inch from Maxwell's face. His ecstatic grin quickly turned to a look of horror when the glass began to crack.

"Anderson!"

"Crack, splinter," went the glass. In the reflection of the bayonet was the Paladin Anderson, watching his leader.

"ANDERSON!"

The Iscariot was standing on a rather large pile of rubble, safe from the souls Alucard had gathered over a period of 500 years. "We are the Iscariot," he intoned. "The agents of divine punishment on Earth. We will shatter your foul dreams without exception." Then, in a huskier, saddened voice, he said, "Farewell, my friend."

By now, the ghouls had begun to crawl all over Maxwell. They were pulling at his hair, his clothes, and yes, even at his archbishop scarf.

"Anderson! Anderson! ANDERSON!" The archbishop threw an arm out to where the Priest was crouching. "Save me, Anderson! Save me, Teacher! TEACHER!"

Soon, even his arm was swallowed up. "Teacher…" His violet eyes widened in fear.

Then, as quickly as he had been overcome by souls, he was impaled by multiple spears and hoisted up in the air.

_Will I die in a place like this all alone? I don't want that! No! Born in loneliness and dying in loneliness? Alone forever?_

He reached his broken hand towards the heavens. "Jesus…" It dropped.

…

Father Alexander Anderson parted the souls of the dead and made his way to where the broken body of the Archbishop Enrico Maxwell lay, oblivious to the sounds of war surrounding him. His mind was far away; he was recalling the moment when he had first met little Enrico.

"_Teacher. Mr. Anderson. I'll become great. I'll show you. I will obtain greatness and rise above them all."_

Maxwell, you fool. You damned fool.

When Alexander reached his young friend, he noticed Enrico hanging on to life by a single, slim thread. He removed the pikes as quickly and painlessly as possible; of course, the archbishop was already beyond pain. Then, he picked up the broken body, sat down, and laid Enrico's head on his own leg.

"Yer a bloody fool, yeh know tha', Maxwell?" A bloody fool."

Maxwell, fearing his death, whispered. "Stay… with me…won't die… alone…" He coughed up blood.

Alexander took pity upon his friend and brushed a few strands of hair out of his face. "Don't worry, Maxwell. I'm here."

The leader of Iscariot clutched at Anderson's pant leg. "Tell me, teacher…" he gasped for air. "Am... I going to… to Hell?"

Knowing he didn't have much time left, the Paladin shook his head and told his pupil, "Nay, son. But yeh won' go tae heaven either."

Maxwell, satisfied with his answer, breathed his last words. "Thank… you… teacher."

He exhaled his last and didn't take another. Anderson brushed his hand over his son's eyes.

_Farewell, Maxwell. But not forever. I'll see you in limbo. Good- for-nothing idiot. _

"This is Anderson to all armed priest forces. Retreat to the Vatican. Remember the 9th Crusade where the Reconquista was completely demolished. The morning comes. We've awoken from our dream. Retreat to the Vatican. This is not your place to die. Defend our home!"

**Yeah, so Anderson was a tad OOC and Maxwell stayed alive longer than he was supposed to. Sue me. After all, this is Hellsing, where people can make gashes in their fingers using butter knifes teeth *cough* Integra *cough***

**Please review. Like, really. PLEASE?**

**P.S. Out of all the muses I've written so far, this is my favorite. I think.**


	5. Hell

**Hello, humans. **

**-slow clap- I applaud you to the overwhelming amount of reviews I got on the last chapter. Of course, I am being sarcastic. If you didn't like then you could have flamed me. Really. But whatever. Continue.**

**This next Muse takes place sometime during Millennium's and Iscariot's attack on London. May I just say, I hope the Vatican's heartless bastards are rotting in hell. The KKK dudes, not Iscariot, and especially not Anderson. I like to think they're in some sort of waiting room; not purgatory or hell, just a waiting room, waiting for… whatever.**

**Anyways, this is from the point of view of a random survivor. Well, not a random survivor. She has some sort of experience w/ vamps. I've never used an OOC, and especially not a Mary Sue. Well, not on here, anyways. Written in 1****st**** person. Just thought you ought to know. Enjoy, and don't forget to review.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Hellsing manga, anime, or OVA. Hellsing belongs to Kouta Hirano.**

_5__th__ Muse: Survival_

Fire, brimstone, eternal cries of pain. Hell.

Well, not exactly, but close enough. Plenty of fire, explosions, gunfire and every other sound of war imaginable to make up for the brimstone, or lack thereof.

I should have been going bloody insane, running through the streets and waiting to get shot and/or eaten. Yeah, that's right, eaten. These were vampires. But how did I know?  
>Had been I waiting for this?<p>

Well, sort of. If you look hard enough on TV and in the newspaper, you see some odd occurrences. It just doesn't match up. Gas leaks do not leave behind people with chunks taken out of them. Freak accidents do not leave people looking like they've been half eaten.

But I'm not that smart.

I had a cousin in a group of mercenaries called the Wild Geese that worked for Hellsing. It pays to know people that work with secret organizations. He was my only remaining family member. I have no doubt he's dead by now. He always liked to keep me semi-informed about the world of the unknown.

…

I last saw him in a small café in London, a mere 24 hours ago. We exchanged pleasantries for a few minutes and then got down to business.

"Things are going to get very bad in the next few days, Kara. Sir Integra believes that a group called Millennium is going to launch some sort of attack in the next few days."

"Millennium… who…?"

My cousin, named Max, seemed to be pondering something. Finally he appeared to reach a decision. With a sigh, he said, "Vampire Nazis."

At that point, I couldn't help it. I burst out laughing. "_Vampire Nazis_? Are you kidding me? Good one, but you're going to have to try harder than that. Really?"

Max frowned. He had been expecting my reaction. In a slight surge of anger, he grabbed my wrist, forcing me to look into his eyes. "I'm serious, Kara. As ridiculous as this sounds, it's true. Some crazy man called "Major" has created vampires. From what they told us, the vampires are the remnants from the Third Reich. He has no purpose, other than war and destruction."

I gaped at him. "So, you're not pulling my leg?"

He sighed and released my wrist. "I wish I was. This isn't some small group of morons trying to cause a commotion; this is huge. I don't know why, but I have a gut feeling that this attack is going to happen soon… very soon."

"In the next week?" I asked, finally taking him seriously.

Max shook his head. "Sooner. In the next day or two, I think."

"That soon! Is the government doing nothing to stop this?"

My cousin shook his head again. "The government is a fool. This is going to be a surprise attack. Sir Integra tried to urge them to prepare, but they only raised their defenses slightly. Besides, there's not much they can do anyways. These are vampires, Kara."

I stared at him in horror. "So we're all going to die? Is that it?"

Max hung his head. "Yes, I have no doubt that's what is going to happen. However, I plan to give you an advantage over everyone."

I raised an eyebrow. "An atomic bomb?"

He raised his head and gave me an annoyed glance. "No. A fighting chance." Max reached down next to his seat and brought up a relatively heavy-looking rucksack. He put it on the table and pushed it toward me. "Don't take them out here; you'll cause chaos."

"Are you going to tell me what's in it?"

"No." He checked his watch and frowned. "But it should give you some chance of survival. I have to go; there's no doubt this is probably the last time I'll see you alive."

We both stood. Against my will, tears formed in by eyes. "So there's no chance?"

Max put a hand on my shoulder. "Kara, there's always a chance." Then, being the ass he is (sorry, was), he dropped his hand and amended, "Bah, who am I kidding? Of course there's no chance."

Despite the morbidity and terrorizing truth of his statement, I gave a watery chuckle and wrapped my arms around his neck. "One last thing," he whispered into my ear. "If a vampire does manage to bite you and not kill you, you'll turn into a ghoul. I'm not suggesting anything, but count your bullets carefully." He tightened his grip around my waist. "I love you Kara."

I also squeezed him tighter. "I love you too, Max. Give 'em hell for me." And with that, we let go, stepped back, said goodbye and walked away.

That was the last time I ever saw him.

…

I had been sitting in my flat, waiting for whatever was going to happen. The contents of Max's gift had been in my hand: a single clip (10 silver bullets) now seated in my 9mm, a silver knife and water canteen over my shoulder. Why he had given me the canteen I had no idea. I had been deep in thought, wishing I had more time to finish some unfinished business when my surroundings exploded.

When I came to, everything was blurry and I was disoriented. All I could make sense of was the powerful smell of fire, the shaking ground, piercing screams of pain, and an agonizingly painful gash in my forehead. Lying there and dying seemed like a good idea, but I managed to get myself up, albeit unsteadily on the remnants of my apartment.

Thankfully, the knife and gun were both still in my hand, and the water was a few feet away from me. How I survived, I had no idea.

After attempting to take a step and tripping, I resorted to blindly crawling. The dust was thick in the air; it was difficult to see a foot in front of me, and the blood dripping down my face didn't help much.

I thought I had been making progress when I heard an alarming voice behind me. "What's this? A survivor? We can't have that."

I was brusquely flipped over and sat on. Through the blood and dust, I managed to make out a mouth full of shark teeth and red, glowing eyes. Without further ado, the damn vampire sunk his teeth into my neck.

I screamed bloody murder and thrashed on the rubble, my gun and knife forgotten. I continued to struggle, creating more wounds on my body. The bastard, smelling the new blood, raised his head and said with an evil gleam in his eyes, "Yes, that's it, scream for me! Scream! Thrash and fight! You'll never get away!" He went back to my neck, tearing at my flesh.

As soon as he said 'scream,' however, I stopped fighting and screaming. There was no way in hell I was going to die like this. A sudden, agonizing clarity reached my mind, and I recalled the gun in my hand.

"Eat this, motherfucker." With that, I stabbed him in the stomach, twice in quick succession.

The evil son of a bitch released my neck, stiffened, keeled over and turned into dust. This saved me the trouble of having to shove his dead body off of me. After fighting dizziness and sitting up slowly, I put a hand to the wounds at my neck. I could feel the blood pulsing out, although rather sluggishly.

How long did I have before I turned into a ghoul? An hour? Twenty minutes? Ten? The only thing I hoped for was to know when I was going to begin transforming. That way… I could make use of my remaining bullet. I stood up unsteadily and continued to stumble along the rubble, keeping a wary eye out for more bloodsuckers.

After a few minutes of tripping and getting back up, I saw a body. It was a wonder I had gone so long without seeing one. Delirious and slightly curious, I approached and kneeled next to it. The sight tore me to pieces.

She was a seven year old girl, torn almost to pieces, still struggling for breath. "M-mommy? Is that you? It hurts really, really bad. Can you kiss it better? Please mommy?"

Tears were streaming down my face. It was then that I realized that I had been crying since being bitten. "I'm sorry, baby girl. I can't make it go away." Kill myself, sure. But a child, even to end her suffering? No. I couldn't.

The young girl seemed to choke on air and then asked in a cracked voice. "Mommy, c-can I have some water? I'm really, really thirsty."

Thankful I still had the canteen, I shakily unscrewed the cap and attempted to poor it into her mouth. My first attempts failed and she choked. Then, ignoring my own pain, I held her head up with an arm and poured the water with my other.

"Th-thank you." She didn't take another breath. Still sobbing, I closed her unseeing blue eyes.

Then, I couldn't take it anymore. The pain and suffering was too much. I looked at the small child and imagined the millions of others who had probably suffered the same fate. I took the gun, pointed it at the underside of my jaw, preparing to blow my brains out. Then...

I lowered the gun. I couldn't do it. I threw the gun away and gave a scream that lost itself in the surrounding sounds of war. I screamed until my throat was raw. Then...

and then...

and then...

Wow, I could really smell everything, even the fresh body of the little girl. Mmm... it was rather... enticing. Bah, who cared? We're all going to die anyways.

...

In hell, a newly turned ghoul began feasting on the body of a fresh body.

**Sorry about the crude ending, but I couldn't help myself. I was going to have her kill herself, but changed at the last second. Mind you, I'****ve written dark pieces before, but not this bad, I think.**

**This is the last in the first series of muses. Why I decided to do them in increments of five, I have no idea. I have no idea how many "series" I'm going to do, and I have no idea if I'm going to publish the next set in a different story or not.**

**So, now it's up to you. Should I keep going or stop?**

**(Translation: Tell me how much you hate it and never want to see my name again)**

**Thanks for reading.**


End file.
